Although my son is alive and otherwise healthy, there was (and is) a sense of loss. Elias could come out of this completely normal and have no long term medical issues. But he could also battle the effects for the rest of his life. It is somewhat difficult to explain the process my heart had to go through. In many ways, I had to mourn the loss of everything I had hoped for for Elias, not because I fear the worst but because I had to come to terms with the possibility of what could be.
Education has always been important to me. Doing well in school was my top priority growing up and I expected the very same from my children. I prayed that they would be devoted to their studies, that they would excel in all they put their minds to including sports, music and learning. I dreamed of them spending hours a day reading, as I did. Up until his first seizure, Elias was completely normal, developing early in many areas (save for his speech development which was delayed). His epilepsy brought me to my knees and changed the way I see my children; the way I pray for them; the dreams and hopes I have for them.
Now I pray that my children would be generous in heart, humble, full of joy, loving and creators of peace. I will still expect my children to do their best but my priorities are different and for that, I am thankful.
Elias could have seizures the rest of his life. He could never drive, never swim alone, be limited in what sports he can play, have permanent speech delays and much more.
But I must come to say that it is well with my soul. My son's worth is more than his ability to do well at the things I measure as important.
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